The Note
by KLJ-93
Summary: What happens when Trip reads a note that he wasn't supposed to read? A short T/T fic. Please R and R!
1. Realization

**Title: The Note**

**Rating**: PG – 13/ T

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything, just the story. No infringement intended.

**Summary**: What happens when Trip reads something he wasn't supposed to read?

**Spoilers**: Nothing before Bound. This takes place like RIGHT after it.

**AN**: This is my fourth attempt at fan fiction, and possibly my third successful one. I would appreciate comments. BTW: T'Pol is a bit out of character. But, this is fan **FICTION**, so I suppose its okay. :)

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**Chapter Title: Realization**

**Chapter Summary**: T'Pol gets advice from Archer about how to make Trip realize that she loves him.

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**CHAPTER 1**

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_(T'Pol's POV)_

It is difficult to believe this is happening; to lose something you never had.

Every time I am in anguish, something that is hard to hide from him no matter how hard I try, he was always there to offer his assistance. He had offered time and time again, but each time I said "no". I was so foolish.

Every time Trip thought he was getting closer to me, I pushed him away along with emotions he had brought out in me. So many times he has "worn his heart out on his sleeve" only to have me take it in my hands and squish it with all my Vulcan strength. How could I have been so dense?

Every time.

And now for the first time in my life I need Trip more than I need air itself, but all that fills my lungs is cold, murky water swimming with problems. There is no air anymore. All of the things we have been through together started to pour on us until it was a flood we couldn't control. We sit here, soaking in the conflicts of our past, trying so hard to absorb why it went wrong. This cold water is suffocating us in an emotional vortex we cannot seem to escape.

All the sudden, realization comes over me like a tidal wave with all of its force. I am the cause of everything. I am responsible for all of the pain and anguish suffered by both of us. If only I could just follow my heart like Trip does . . . did.

No. There is no air anymore, for I have pushed that away as well.

I feel the tears sting at my eyes until I can hardly see. I could feel my throat constricting until I could hardly breath. I feel _everything_, but I am supposed to feel _nothing_! In fact, I feel like I _am_ nothing. I am _nothing_ without Trip! I am not _alive_ without Trip! The bond that he and I have is basically my lifeline. My salvation. My sanity.

I can now feel the tears that are making their way down my cheeks and off my chin onto my uniform. My control is nothing but the smallest fraction covering the largest whole. How am I supposed to live like this? Only Trip can help me, the only soul in this vast ocean of emptiness inside me.

I need to meditate. I need to organize my chaotic thoughts. I know I need to tell Trip that I cherish him above all else. Love. Yes, I love him! Because strange enough for a Vulcan, I do, and nothing and no one will _ever_ change that.

Because I need Trip.

_(Trip's POV)_

There are many things I hate in this life. I hate how I love someone that can't love me back. I hate that I put my heart on the line for her, and in the end, it gets broken. I hate waking up every morning and going to bed every night finding the one person I want and need the most isn't there to be the first and last thing I see each day. And I hate hating so much.

Even though all of these horrible things are caused by one pointed – eared individual in particular, I can't comprehend how I could hate her when I love her with every fiber in my being.

Did I mention that I can never her out of my head? If I didn't, let me clarify . . .

I CAN'T GET THAT DAMNED VULCAN, MULE – HEADED, AROGENT, FLUSTERING, STUCK – IN – THE – MUD, BEAUTIFUL, HIGH AND MIGHTY PAIN IN THE ASS OUT OF MY DAMNED HEAD!

Is that clarity enough for you?

Of course, having this Vulcan mating bond doesn't help matters much. Humph . . . imagine: being bonded with a person that you mean nothing to. I don't think I can live like this much longer. I have so many questions for her. I have so many things I need clarity and closure on regarding her . . . regarding _us _actually.

But . . . I know that I shouldn't be dwelling on these things. A beautiful, logical mind once told me this before. Of course, that same mind also told me that she would rather read the Kir'Shara than spend time with a pathetic Human like me. Although, she didn't say it _quite_ so crudely, it still hurt all the same.

_(Engineering, Next Day)_

Trip sat in his office staring blankly at his computer monitor. Ever since he came back from the Columbia, nothing new was turning up with the engines. For now they were just making house calls to repair plumbing and other minor things.

"Chief?"

Trip glanced up to see Lt. Hess poking her head through the open door to his office. He offered a small grin. "Yeah, what can I do for you?"

"There's someone here that's looking for you, sir. Should I send her in?"

Trip was perplexed. _"Why can't this person just come in here? Why the big entrance?" _He realized that it must be T'Pol. Lt. Hess had some sort of agenda to get them together, and she knew her Chief knew about it. Trip decided he wasn't up for talking with her alone right now, although he knew he wouldn't be alone with T'Pol. Lt. Hess might eavesdrop . . .

"Umm . . . I, uh . . . I – I'm a little busy, actually."

"With all due respect sir, busy or not in the mood?"

"Both."

"Hmm, well I'm afraid she outranks you so . . ." Lt. Hess smiled and walked hastily out the door before Trip could say anything to stop her.

T'Pol walked hesitantly into his office. Her hands were clasped behind her back in a nervous manor, but her eyes held a certain determination in them. Trip forced a smile and motioned for her to have a seat on the bench a few feet from the door.

"What's with the entrance?" Trip asked, trying to get rid of the awkward silence.

"I came here to Engineering to speak with you, however when I arrived I couldn't find you. I asked Lt. Hess if she knew where you were and she directed me here and told me to wait. I gather you were busy?"

"Not, really." Trip explored the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "What did you need to talk about, Commander?"

T'Pol was perturbed. It's been a while since he has called her "Commander" when it was just the two of them. She felt her mouth begin to go dry. She had had everything planned out to say to him, but now it was all a blur in her mind. _"An emotional reaction."_

Trip leaned forward in his chair awaiting her answer. _"Maybe she's here to talk about us!"_

T'Pol's eyes darted around the office. Another emotional reaction. _"Focus! Do not let him see you like this! Say something!"_ "I simply wanted to ask you in person if you are alright," she said. It wasn't necessarily a lie, but it wasn't the truth either.

Trip's heart suddenly sank. He was so hopeful that she had come here to talk about their relationship, whatever it was. _"At least she had the decency to act like she cares, key word 'act'," _Trip thought bitterly to himself. He wondered if she could hear that thought, being bonded and all. Seeing her grimace a bit told him that she did.

"Well, to answer your question, I'm doing fine." Trip hesitated. His facial expression turned from confused to questioning. "May I ask why you care?" he asked more rudely than he intended to.

If T'Pol was hurt, she didn't show it. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"I mean that it's very unlike you to want to personally see if I'm okay." Trip was aware that T'Pol began to fidget with her hands in her lap.

T'Pol, again, was at loss for words. _"Why did I say that? Why can I not just tell him the truth?" _"I was referring to the engines, Commander. Are you alright on repairs?" _"I cannot believe I just said another lie!"_

"Oh, right. Nothing much to do really. We're just attending to small problems around the ship."

T'Pol noticed a skeptical look appearing over his features. She raised her eyebrow in question. Trip knew this and answered, "It just seems awfully strange that would come all the way here from the bridge to see if repairs are doing okay when you could of just used the comm., T'Pol." Trip knew that he caught her. She looked like a deer in the headlights and went completely silent and still.

"_Think of something T'Pol! This is why Vulcan's do not lie! We are horrible at it!"_

"_Oh, good job, Tucker! You made a Vulcan feel bad!"_

Trip got up from his seat and went over to the bench T'Pol was sitting on. Their eyes locked and so did their hands. Trip gently stroked the top of her hands and gave her a reassuring smile. "You know T'Pol, its okay to check on me. That's what friends do for each other and I'm actually relieved you came down here. I'm pretty sure that with us being bonded and all, you know the truth," he said sheepishly.

"Yes, I do. You have not been eating or sleeping properly even when you told me that you have been." T'Pol tightened her hold on his hands. "Why?"

"Well, I guess I just didn't want you worrying . . . err . . . being concerned for me," Trip corrected.

"You are correct in that I would be concerned for your wellbeing. That is no reason to hide the truth. I felt your hunger and fatigue from all the way on the bridge, Trip."

"Is that why you came down here?"

"Yes. But I must return to the bridge. I told the Captain I would be down here for only a short amount of time."

Trip reluctantly let go of her soft hands and stood up, T'Pol doing the same. "Well, I guess I'd better get back out there and check up on my crew," stated Trip. He was overwhelmed with emotions that were too strong to be human, and instinctively knew they were T'Pol's. He grimaced and clutched his forehead, not being used to all of that emotion coming into his mind so suddenly yet. T'Pol noticed this and made for a hasty retreat.

"I should be getting back to the bridge, Commander. Good day." And with that she left before he had the chance of saying anything.

"_Way not to be obvious!" _she mentally scolded herself and headed for the bridge.

_(Bridge)_

T'Pol walked onto the bridge and went straight for her station. Captain Archer couldn't help but to notice her cheeks and the tips of her ears were a deep green and her nostrils were flared. Her lips pursed as she stared absently at the monitor before her, no doubt trying to get a control over her emotions.

"_Trip must of pissed her off," _he thought to himself and stifled a grin. "How are things in Engineering?"

"Fine," she replied curtly. After a moment she choked out, "sir."

"Good." It was becoming harder to stifle that grin, so he turned around only to find Hoshi and Travis smiling and shaking their heads.

It went quiet on the bridge. T'Pol sat at her station, not really doing anything but staring uncomprehendingly ahead of her and thinking about Trip. His smile hid the hurt and mistrust he held for T'Pol and she knew they both knew it. Whenever she got near him, their bond came to life and she could feel everything he felt and knew almost everything that went through his mind. Some things were tolerable, to say the least. But others, it 

was hard to take without feeling strongly about them and wishing she could say something, but saying nothing at all.

She decided enough was enough. After her duty shift, she had to find some way to set things right between them. The problem was, she didn't know how to proceed and couldn't even fathom what his reaction might be.

T'Pol knew that Trip was Human, a very emotional, annoying, and confusing one at best; but she would have no one else, because even if he was all of those things, he was also everything she needed and wanted.

"_Yes. Pursuing Trip is the most logical course of action." _T'Pol thought with contentment.

_(Later that evening)_

T'Pol pressed the chime to the Captain's quarters and waited patiently for him to answer. After about a second or two, a distinct "Come in" was heard. T'Pol walked in and Jon motioned for her to sit down. She decided to sit on the couch next to Porthos.

"What can I do for you T'Pol?"

She paused and made an inaudible sigh. "I came seeking advice."

Jon was rendered speechless as both eyebrows shot up. After he recovered, he asked, "What is it you need advice on?"

T'Pol never thought she would be in this position, revealing her deepest and darkest secrets to her Human Captain, but the situation demanded it. She recognized that this was the only logical solution.

"Commander Tucker," she finally answered.

"Has he done something to piss you off?"

Her response was a raised eyebrow and a questioning look. So he clarified, "I couldn't help but to notice earlier today, when you came back up from Engineering, you seemed to be . . . um . . . miffed."

"That is because I was," she replied quietly.

"Well, what he do this time?"

The young Vulcan paused before answering. "It is more of what . . . he didn't do, Captain."

"I think you should start from the beginning, T'Pol."

"It is a long story," T'Pol warned him.

"I'm not going to sleep anytime soon."

T'Pol hesitated before continuing, unaware that she was fidgeting. "As you are well aware, Captain, Commander Tucker and I have a somewhat . . . wayward relationship," she started uneasily. "I believe it started when his sister died."

"Believe?"

"Yes. There has been a mutual attraction for . . . a while."

"Uh – hu."

"Doctor Phlox couldn't give him sedatives forever, he realized, so he asked me to perform neuro pressure on him to help him sleep."

"What is 'neuro pressure'?"

"It is a Vulcan method of relaxing the body without the need of medication. During this time, we became increasingly close and eventually . . ."

Jon noticed she had stopped talking and was looking down at her fidgeting hands, her back rigid. He was perplexed by this. "And eventually what?"

T'Pol looked up and raised her eyebrow in a manner which told him the truth she wouldn't dare speak. His palms became sweaty and Jon cleared his throat. "Ah," he sighed. "And let me guess, after that, you felt you weren't ready to deal with the emotions having sex churned up." Jon knew he was crossing the line, but she had come to him for advice. Before he could give it to her, he needed to know the whole story. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she nodded her head the affirmative.

"Yes," T'Pol stated almost inaudibly. "We continued the neuro pressure, though. In time, old feelings were dawned upon us again. I knew that and in turn, I pushed him away. I have countless times, Captain." T'Pol felt her throat constrict, but kept her tears in place. "I know it is my fault."

"T'Pol – "

She interrupted, "Captain, do remember the Selaya?"

"How could I forget?"

"As you know, I recovered from that . . . but it was not my only encounter with trellium," she stated with shame etched in her voice.

Jon froze. _"She must have encountered it before she came here. Surely she wouldn't become . . . addicted. No, that's not T'Pol. But then again, I never would have guessed she and Trip would get together." _"It's not?" he asked aloud.

"No, sir. I would rather not go into details." She looked away and took a deep breath. "But I will say that I started using it to get closer to Commander Tucker," she stated sheepishly.

Jon was surprised that he _wasn't_ surprised. _"Ironic."_

"So, are you still . . ."

"No. The doctor helped me through that."

"Good." Jon took a deep breath to try and calm his racing heart. Finding out that your first officer was a recovering drug addict wasn't exactly easy to take in. He was extremely upset and disappointed with T'Pol for what she had done, but he wasn't about to tell her. She had it hard enough as it is. "So, let's get back to your dilemma, T'Pol. What did Trip _not_ do that has you upset?"

"He refuses to tell me what he's really feeling."

"I don't understand."

"He feels one emotion, but demonstrates another. He tells me that he moved to the _Columbia_ because they needed an experienced chief engineer. I believe you and I both know that that wasn't the reason for his leaving. Although I am pleased that he is back with us on the _Enterprise_, I can't help but to think that he is . . . hiding his true feelings." T'Pol's emotional tone betrayed her stoic face. She had stopped fidgeting and was now expecting an answer.

"I've heard these words before, but they came from someone else."

"Commander Tucker?"

"Yeah . . . T'Pol, this is to be expected."

T'Pol clenched her fists. "Are you indicating that he feels insecure around me?" T'Pol asked, disbelief dripping from her words.

"The chance is very high."

"What should I do, then?"

Jon thought for a moment. "You need to get your thoughts organized. Perhaps some meditating?"

An annoyed look came over T'Pol's face. "Do you not think I haven't tried that already?"

"Hmm. Well, why don't you try writing him a note, but _don't_ send it to him."

T'Pol looked confused. "Why would I write him a note and not send it to him, Captain?"

Jon laughed. "Because, T'Pol, this is to only organize your thoughts and feelings. Once you have done that, you'll find talking to him a whole lot easier."

T'Pol looked skeptical, but considered trying it. "And if it doesn't work?"

"It will," Jon assured her.

"Thank you, Captain. I trust this will remain between us?"

Jon thought of an old Earth saying. "What conversation?" he asked teasingly. A disgruntled look came over T'Pol.

"The conver – "

"T'Pol, it's a joke."

She raised her eyebrow and said, "Good night, Captain."

"Night, T'Pol." Jon remembered something. "Oh wait, could you give this to Trip for me?"

T'Pol took the PADD and nodded her goodbye.


	2. The Note

**Chapter Title: The Note**

**Chapter Summary:** T'Pol writes the note that she _isn't supposed_ to give, but even Vulcan's make mistakes.

**AN**: This chapter is rather short and takes place after T'Pol's little pep – talk with Archer.

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**Chapter 2**

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_(T'Pol's POV)_

After my discussion with Captain Archer, I felt illogically confident and calm. Trip _would_ eventually realize that I do cherish him more than anything else. As I entered my quarters, I went over to my computer and turned it on. "Computer, begin recording." The computer beeped, and I began.

"Trip, this is T'Pol. I – computer, erase."

After taking a deep breath, I began again. "Trip, I understand that you – _sigh_ – computer, erase."

This was going to be more difficult than I initially realized.

_(Two days later)_

Captain Archer had ordered T'Pol to help Trip out in Engineering. Things were running smoothly and only minor updates and repairs were needed.

T'Pol had finished "writing" her note, but instead of deleting it, she downloaded it onto a PADD so she could keep her thoughts and sentiments in place. She didn't want to admit to such an emotional act, but it also helped to give her the confidence she will 

need in order to talk with Trip. She wasn't confused anymore and was now looking forward to being around him, rather than dreading it.

Trip and T'Pol were reviewing everything they could, trying to find excuses to stay working side by side. The engineering crew was amused and entertained since their friendly banter had started up again. Lt. Hess smiled with delight, as did Rostov. They hadn't seen their Chief and the Vulcan science officer look so relaxed around each other in a long time.

T'Pol had completely forgotten about the PADD the Captain had given her two days ago to give to Trip. _"How could I have forgotten?" _She mused on that thought, but nothing came to mind except the handsome engineer beside her. "Commander, the Captain gave me a PADD that he wanted me to deliver to you."

"Good. I've been waiting for these new schematics for my engines," he stated with a smile.

"What do these schematics explain?"

"Well, they're supposed to help for when we go to warp speed. You know how the engines get a little messy when we go over warp five for a little while, well, these new schematics will help to smooth things out."

"Interesting."

Trip laughed at her unexcited tone, which got him a raised eyebrow. "Maybe you could help me out."

"Of course."

"So where are they?"

"In my quarters. Do you wish to come by this evening to retrieve them?"

"Yeah, that sounds great. I'll stop by after dinner with the Captain. Are you going to be there, T'Pol?"

T'Pol stopped breathing, but only for a second. She found she enjoyed the way he said her name. "Yes, I will be there."

"Good. The three of us haven't had dinner in a long time."

"Indeed."

_(18:54hrs, Captain's Mess)_

Jon and T'Pol waited for Trip to arrive. Dinner would be served in six minutes and Jon planned to make good use of time.

"T'Pol, have you finished writing that note?"

"Yes, Captain. I have finished the note. I find that in writing it, I also 'cleared my conscience', as you might say."

"Good. You seem more at peace than you were a few days ago."

"Indeed, I am."

Jon paused for a moment and then asked, "You deleted it, right?"

"No. I keep the note stored in a PADD for further reading and . . . confidence. I will delete it once I speak with Commander Tucker."

"Hmm. Have you given him the schematics yet?"

"No. I was going to do that tonight after our dinner. May I ask why you asked?"

"Well, what if you . . . never mind, I'm sure it won't come to that."

T'Pol was about to ask him to specify what he meant when Trip walked in, actually on time, with a smile etched on his face. After greetings were exchanged and Trip was seated, Jon got up to retrieve some wine.

"T'Pol, would you like a small indulgence?" Jon teased.

T'Pol decided to be bold, even though she knew it was illogical. "No. I would like a large indulgence, please."

Trip and Jon stared at her in amusement. "Someone's feeling a bit daring today," Trip drawled.

T'Pol just raised her eyebrow in mock annoyance, but she was secretly pleased at their reaction. _"It is the bond,"_ she realized, _"that is making me behave in this manner."_

Jon went on filling Trip's glass and his own before the food came out. The three talked about the ship and reminisced over earlier missions, which T'Pol found to be illogical. When the meal was concluded, Jon wished Trip and T'Pol a good night and then left.

"Shall we head back to my quarters so can retrieve the schematics?" T'Pol asked. Trip noticed a soft look come over her face after the Captain had left. _"I wonder if that look is just for me,"_ he wondered to himself, but doubted it as soon as the thought came. T'Pol heard that thought through their bond due to their close proximity and thought, _"Yes, Trip, it is."_ T'Pol knew that Trip wouldn't be able to hear that, no matter how close they were to each other, not until he learned how to read her mind.

A whisper came across Trip's mind, as soft as a feather – light touch in his Human consciousness. He couldn't fathom what it was, but it felt oddly soothing. He concentrated on it, but it went as soon as it had come.

"Commander Tucker?"

"Oh, yeah. Let's go ahead and go to your quarters."

On the way to T'Pol's quarters, Trip couldn't help but to feel a little bit nervous, but he couldn't figure out why. _"Come on, Trip! This is T'Pol! I shouldn't be this goddamned nervous!" _Trip rebuked himself, wiping his sweaty palms on his uniform repeatedly. He knew somehow that his nervousness was due to what had happened between them in the expanse, their night of intimacy. T'Pol could smell his nervousness as it mingled in with her own. And being so close to him, she could also hear his thoughts, but chose not to say anything. She illogically found their nervousness amusing. Two adults acting like "lovesick teenagers" as Trip often said.

"_Curious that Humans get ill on an emotion such as love," _T'Pol thought with her lips upturned in the slightest hint of a smile. _"Logic! Think logic! Don't act emotional!"_

"Find my being nervous funny, do you?" Trip asked with a shy, lopsided grin. At noticing T'Pol's puzzled appearance, he clarified. "I guess our bond is stronger than we first thought. I felt nervous, on my own accord of course, but I felt it in two parts of my head. I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain."

"Understandable. May I ask why you are nervous?"

Trip stopped walking but soon after continued so he could catch up with T'Pol, who hadn't stopped. "Well, can I ask why _you_ are nervous?"

"I asked you first, Commander."

Trip rolled his eyes before saying, "I'm not sure. I guess it has to do with the fact that after . . . you know . . . I always get a little antsy when coming to your quarters," Trip explained awkwardly. T'Pol felt sadness emitting from her bond mate and instantly felt guilty at hurting him, even though it was a long time ago. Trip sensed this faintly and assured her, "You know, you don't need to feel guilty, T'Pol."

"And yet I do," she replied sullenly. T'Pol felt her control quickly slipping and knew she needed to meditate. Although she was long over the withdrawal symptoms of the trellium, the effects and emotions were now a permanent part of her life, remaining with her forever. She was willing to live with that, but she couldn't let Trip know this, not yet at least. In fact, she was surprised that he hadn't noticed anything unusual yet.

"You never answered _my_ question, T'Pol."

"I am tense for much of the same reasons you are."

As soon as they reached her quarters, T'Pol made a beeline for her desk where his schematics lay. She needed to meditate and clear her mind from these overbearing emotions before Trip saw or noticed anything. What Trip had mentioned about their night together from over a year ago and knowing how much she had hurt him, not to mention herself, had stirred strong emotions deep within her core that she had _thought_ to had suppressed. Of course, that large indulgence of wine probably didn't help matters much right about now. She needed to get Trip out of her quarters, and now.

She wasn't ready for the confrontation just yet.

"Here," she said abruptly and handed him the PADD. "I will see you tomorrow, Commander. Good night."

Trip furrowed his brow. "Yeah, okay. Thanks T'Pol," he said slowly. And with that he left.

T'Pol lit her meditation candles and sat before them on her cushions. Taking deep cleansing breaths, she found her mind unwilling to go into a deep meditation. Something just didn't feel right.

T'Pol got up and went over to her desk. She had it nice and neat with two PADDs stacked on top of each other. She reached for the one on top and turned it on. It held the ships duty roster for tomorrow. T'Pol's heart began to beat a little faster than normal.

Setting that one down quickly, she picked up the other one and hastily turned it on . . . and felt the bile start to rise in her throat. What she held in her hand was the schematics she was _supposed_ to give to Trip, not the note. She rummaged around her desk and room to try and find it, but found it wasn't there. That could only entail one thing.

She had given the note to Trip.

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	3. The End of the Rocky Path

**AN**: This is the last chapter. I want to thank you for keeping up with this short story, it means a lot to me. BTW, you may want to read the last part of chapter two before reading this one. It picks up _right_ after it.

**Chapter Title: The End of the Rocky Path**

**Chapter summary**: T'Pol finds that giving Trip the wrong PADD was the best mistake she ever made.

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**Chapter 3**

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"_I should not have rushed! How could I have been so irresponsible? I must go and get it. If he were to read that . . ." _Just thinking about it made the bile in her throat rise higher. Her heart was hammering so hard in her chest that it was making the whole of her body vibrate with each pound. She picked up the schematics and walked hastily down the corridors to his quarters. Her body and mind could not and would not rest until she got that PADD back.

_(A few minutes later)_

T'Pol arrived at his quarters and rang the chime, waiting impatiently for him to answer. When he didn't after a few minutes, she searched their bond to find him in relaxation. Searching further, she found his relaxation was due to hot water. _"I thought he showered before dinner," _she thought to herself. She searched as far as she could through the bond. _"He is unsettled by the conversation we had."_ T'Pol could feel his tense muscles relax under the hot stream. It almost soothed her, but she couldn't indulge in that right now.

Since he was in the shower, T'Pol found it to be a great opportunity to switch PADDs and get back to her quarters without being caught. Entering the security code, she quietly stepped in, not wanting to let him know she was here. His quarters were clean and filled with his scent. T'Pol inhaled deeply and reveled in his fragrance. It was so unique from any other she knew of and it always comforted her, even though it used to utterly repulse her. Her frazzled nerves calmed a bit and she became entranced in her bond mate's aroma.

She didn't notice, however, when the lavatory doors swished open to reveal a butt – naked Trip.

"Holy shit!" Trip shrieked and ran back into the bathroom to retrieve a towel. And perhaps some dignity. Wrapping it about his waist, he stepped back out. T'Pol was still frozen and wide – eyed. _"Did she just lick her lips?" _Trip knew he must have been seeing things. Looking harder, he noticed her lips were a tad bit wet. "Geez, T'Pol. I'm, um, sorry you had to see that." He laughed nervously.

T'Pol tried to redeem herself before speaking. "Nothing I – I haven't seen before," she almost stuttered. "I should be the one apologizing."

They stared at each other for a while before T'Pol handed him the correct PADD. "I gave you the wrong one," she stated sheepishly.

"Oh." Trip walked over to his desk and put the PADD she had just given him down. Picking up the one she had given him earlier, his finger accidently pressed the button that turned it on and what looked like a message appeared.

T'Pol watched as Trip's face suddenly was bathed in the soft, blue glow of the PADD's lighted screen. "No!" T'Pol exclaimed, but it was too late. He was shocked by what he was reading and couldn't stop. T'Pol didn't even try to grab it from him, it would only raise his suspicions. He was going to find out, anyway. So she just stood in front of him, waiting for the reaction that would ultimately come.

Trip just read it over and over again. He couldn't believe what he was reading.

_Trip,_

_I have a few things that I need to say to you. But first, I should start out by apologizing to you. This apology comes from deep within my heart as I know I have hurt you countless times. I did so for my own selfish reasons, that being, I didn't want to lose my emotional control. I understand that I most likely ruined anything that could have happened between us._

_Secondly, I need you to know that you were never an experiment to me. That night we shared in the expanse meant as much to me as it clearly did to you, or so I hope. However, the emotions it stirred scared me, so I fled from them and you. Trust me when I say that what I said hurt the both of us. And if you should know, I was indeed envious of you and Corporal Cole. That entailing that I was attracted to you . . . and I still am. However, what I feel for you runs deeper than simply "attraction." _

_I know that I have hurt you many times in the past and I'm deeply sorry for that. I was naïve and didn't understand the emotions you and you alone made me feel. That is when I became a . . . frequent user of trellium. I used it to get closer to you, to feel the emotions I knew you felt for me. In time, I became addicted. Thankfully, the Doctor helped me through that phase. I will always experience the residual side effects and emotions, however. _

_I feel somehow that in a way I failed you, Trip. _

_I am not sure I can go through with this alone. I need your kindness and understanding, Trip. I need you and I can only hope you can forgive me, but if you don't, I understand. I cannot even begin to forgive myself._

_I believe the best way to conclude this message is to say . . . in the beginning, I didn't know how to follow my heart, but in the end, I did, and it led me straight to you. I want this bond between us to grow and strengthen, but I need to know that you want it too._

_Yours absolutely and forever,_

_T'Pol_

Trip handed T'Pol the PADD without even looking at her. So many things were going through his mind right now, that it overwhelmed him and T'Pol, since she could hear his thoughts in her mind. The way she tossed the PADD back onto his desk took him by surprise. Trip looked at the PADD then back into her dark and emotional eyes. "I want you to have it," she explained her actions. Trip looked at her for a moment before he took her in his arms. In turn, she wrapped her arms about his waist and laid her head upon his masculine chest.

"Why didn't you ever tell me, T'Pol?"

"I . . . I couldn't comprehend how to tell you."

"When were you going to give this note to me?"

"You actually weren't supposed to read it. The Captain suggested that I write this message to help clear my mind so I could find the right words to tell you everything you just read . . . and more. I was to delete it after I wrote it."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I couldn't. It helped to organize my thoughts and it raised my self-assurance for . . . confrontation."

"T'Pol, you know, I forgave you a long time ago. Don't you think it's about time you forgive yourself?"

"I don't know if I can, Trip."

"Why not?"

"I have hurt you way too many times. I don't deserve a person as forgiving as you. Who would want a recovering addict for a – " Trip silenced her with a soft kiss. Her voice had started to rise and she was on the verge of crying, so he couldn't find any other alternative.

Her lips were soft and warm. It seemed like every time they kissed, his heart started to beet faster and everything around them slowed down. It was a feeling that he would never get tired of. He gently ended the kiss and said quietly, "T'Pol, confronting your past is a brave thing to do. And I _do_ forgive you, no matter what you do."

"Why?"

"Because I have always loved you, I love you right now, and I will love you forever."

T'Pol looked into his almost translucent blue eyes. "You love me?"

"Did you expect otherwise?" he smiled.

"I – "

"You don't have to say it T'Pol. I respect your culture and I know that Vulcan's don't indulge in silly emotions like love."

"Trip, I do though." _"No! Be brave, T'Pol! Tell him! Say the words!" _Taking a deep breath, she said passionately, "I love you, ashaya."

Trip smiled so large that it hurt. "What does 'ashaya' mean?"

"It means 'my love'."

"How long have you loved me?"

"A long time, Trip."

"T'Pol, I want this bond between us to deepen just as much as you do. I think it's only logical since we both love each other," Trip said, still smiling.

"Your logic is _more_ than agreeable."

With that, T'Pol captured his lips with her own. Trip placed his right hand on the nape of her neck and the left on her cheek while T'Pol's hands rested on his hips. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to him, warm and welcoming as a sharp tingle went down her spine. T'Pol untied his towel and let it fall to the floor.

Time for talk was now officially over.

…………………………………………………………………………


End file.
